


let me show you a world that you've never seen

by QueenWithABeeThrone



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Community: got_exchange, Dysfunctional Family, Family Reunions, Fluff, M/M, Shovel Talk, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, lawyer!asha, robb stark is a huge dork in modern au like, the guy owns a daredevil shirt, theon pretends not to be a dork but he has a batman cape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenWithABeeThrone/pseuds/QueenWithABeeThrone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Hey, Robb," says Theon, then, "can you come with me to the family reunion?"</i>
</p><p>or: Theon Greyjoy invites (read: <i>drags</i>) his boyfriend Robb to the Greyjoy family reunion. things turn out surprisingly well for Robb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me show you a world that you've never seen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a_bittersweet_crow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_bittersweet_crow/gifts).



> for the prompt: _Asha does the shovel talk to Robb._ which is hilarious, because the shovel talk only occurs near the end. apparently, my brain wanted fluffy shenanigans and dorks in love first. WAVES HANDS.
> 
> there's a reference to [the flavor of your lips (is enough to keep me here)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2262747), and you're free to imagine this taking place in the same universe or not.

"Hey, Robb," says Theon, then, "can you come with me to the family reunion?"

Robb stares blearily at him, the words taking a moment to sink into his head. In his defense, you don't spring something like that on a man when he's literally just woken up.

"Wait," says Robb, "say that again. You want me to come with you for your-- _Theon_."

"What?" says Theon, absolutely unrepentant as he buttons up his coat. Robb squints angrily at him, then picks up one of their pillows and tosses it in his direction.

Theon steps to the side, and watches with a deeply amused smile as the pillow sails into their shared closet. "Your aim's shit," he helpfully informs him.

"I thought your family hated me," Robb points out. "Wait, scratch that, I _know_ they hate me."

"That's a lie, Mom loves you," says Theon, and Robb decides not to point out that Alannys Harlaw once petted him on the head and thanked him for being such a good friend to her little boy, did he know that Theon had so few friends, it just _worried_ her so, her poor boy. It'd just be mean. "And Asha likes you."

Robb does not gulp in terror. Some small, tiny part of him still remembers the terrifying teenager that Asha used to be, and for that reason, he's chosen to very politely cut short every interaction with her. Which is probably unfair to Theon, but seeing as his _entire family_ hates Robb, that's probably for the best. Robb loves him, but he also likes being alive.

"She doesn't like me," he very calmly points out.

"Stark, come on," Theon needles, "Asha's--well, she is an asshole, but she's much less of an asshole than Rodrik and Maron."

"Anyone we know is less of an asshole than your brothers," Robb says.

"Come on, Stark," says Theon, getting on the bed and kicking his shoes off, crawling up until the space between them can only be measured in inches. Robb's heart beats faster against his chest. "I got the shovel talk from your family. Time to repay the favor, right? Make it fair and all."

"They aren't that terrifying," Robb points out.

"You've never been growled at by Rickon's huge-ass dog _and_ Lady," Theon says. "At the _same time_. Do you know how traumatic that is?"

"But Lady's harmless!"

"Remember when she tried to chew off Joffrey's kneecaps?" Theon says, his tone nostalgic, and Robb chuckles at the memory.

"Point," says Robb. "All right, you've convinced me. I'll go with you, but only to make it fair." He pauses, then adds, "Can you get off me? I still have a class to get to."

"Sure," Theon casually says, pressing forward and oh his lips are on Robb's and Robb is going to. Well. He has no idea what he's going to do, except kiss back because this is Theon, and Theon's very good at kissing, and Robb is a twentysomething male with a sex drive and a sexual attraction to his best friend and boyfriend, he can't be faulted for the way his brain briefly shorts out whenever Theon does this.

"You," Robb manages to say, once the kiss is broken and his brain has come back online, "are _such_ an asshole. I have _class_."

"So leave," Theon says, unrepentantly grinning. Robb knows that grin. It's the sort of grin that promises all sorts of things, especially the sort that makes Robb turn red when discussed in public. “Since you’ve got class and all.” He makes no move to get off Robb, instead positioning himself so there is absolutely no way for Robb to get off the bed.

"Then get off of me," Robb huffs.

"You can _try_ ," Theon says, then kisses him, fingers slipping into his hair and licking into his mouth, and god _dammit_ Robb is going to be so late for his class. He should probably feel more guilty for that, but instead he kisses back, hands gripping on to Theon's shoulders to flip him onto his back.

\--

When Robb comes to class, his hair is very visibly disheveled, his clothes are rumpled and buttoned wrong, and there's a purplish hickey on his collarbone.

He's also fifteen minutes late, and the professor gives him the dirtiest look he has before going right back to the lecture.

Robb kind of wishes he could feel guiltier about that.

\--

Three days afterwards, he and Theon stuff four duffel bags' worth of their things into the back of Robb's rusty pick-up. They also end up all but shoving Grey Wind into the backseat, because the husky's getting heavier as he grows up, and he's been needing to expand his horizons for a while. At least that's how Robb thinks of it.

Theon rolls his eyes when Robb tells him this, but helps him out anyway, even while complaining that Grey Wind's going to slobber on him.

"Don't worry," says Robb, "he slobbers on me more by default."

"No, I'm pretty sure he slobbers on me more," says Theon, strapping himself in. "Keeps drooling and shedding on all my clothes, the little shit. _Especially_ the expensive ones."

"So wear my clothes," says Robb. "I don't mind getting dog anything on them."

Theon goes quiet, then, his eyes cutting back to Robb. There's a hint of consideration behind them, before he says, "You know, I just might. If you've got anything that isn't your ratty Daredevil shirt."

"Daredevil is a hero for the ages and I will not stand for your criticism of what I wear," Robb primly says, and they manage to hold straight faces for all of five seconds before collapsing into giggles, because--well, it's true, is the thing. Robb's beloved Daredevil shirt is old and probably only fit for donations by now, but he doesn't really want to part with it. "And anyway, _you_ wore it once."

"Because Grey Wind slobbered on _my_ clothes," Theon huffs, but it's a lie and Robb knows it, knows Theon knows it. He doesn't mind, he gets a little thrill out of seeing Theon in his hoodies and his shirts. Even the old and ratty ones, especially those, because Theon is so particular over what he wears and how it feels against his skin. "Which you need to keep him from doing, by the way."

"I'm trying," Robb says, indignant.

"Try _harder_ ," Theon retorts.

\--

The Greyjoy family reunions, apparently, are a thing of legend. At least Theon thinks of them that way, and he's happy enough to regale Robb with the stories whenever they stop at a roadside diner or tacky tourist attraction.

Robb wonders if this is what Damocles felt like, when he looked up to find a very sharp sword hanging right over his head, suspended on a fraying thread.

"--so Uncle Euron and Uncle Victarion were practically _brawling_ ," Theon's saying, "and, I shit you not, they managed to knock my dad over while he was chowing down on his ham--"

"Are either of them going to show up to the reunion?" Robb asks.

"Probably," says Theon.

Robb puts his face in his hands and gives a little pained groan, just as the waitress deposits a plate full of steaming hot, syrup-soaked pancakes in front of him. "And Aeron?" he asks, thinking of Theon's priestly, sanctimonious uncle.

"He's gonna be there too," says Theon, who at the very least has the decency to look worried. Mostly because Robb has never gotten on with Theon's uncles or his dad--Balon disapproves of him because he's a Stark, Victarion disapproves of him because of his apparently unmanly college major, Aeron disapproves of him because he's bisexual and very unashamed about it, and Euron disapproves of him because--okay, Robb doesn't know why, and he's not too concerned about him because Euron Greyjoy is, frankly, _fucking_ crazy.

"Woohoo," Robb weakly mutters. All his family reunions were good--the Starks aren't a perfect family, sure, but when he thinks of family reunions he thinks of good food and warmth and home. He looks forward to them, usually.

It's kind of a shock, to go from that to Theon's dysfunctional family.

"You're gonna be fine, Stark," says Theon. "Well. Mostly. As long as you steer clear of my uncles you should do just fine, no one's even going to notice you!"

"Yes, they will," Robb morosely mutters, picking up a fork and knife and cutting into his pancakes. "This is your family, Theon, why are you the one sorely underestimating them?"

"You didn't think Rickon would pull the five-dog trick on me, did you?" Theon challenges.

Robb gives a sigh, and shakes his head. He's got to concede that point, he supposes--sometimes he finds himself underestimating the lengths his family will go to for him. Sometimes he underestimates the things _he'll_ do for his family, and it's scary, what he's willing to do, how far he's willing to go.

"Anyway, so long as you stick to the sidelines and stuff your face, they won't bother you that much," says Theon, giving Robb a reassuring smile. Robb almost, _almost_ believes him, at least until Theon reaches over to try and spear a piece of Robb’s pancakes with his fork.

“You asshole,” Robb huffs. “That’s _mine_.”

"Too bad," Theon says, unrepentant, then stuffs his mouth full of Robb's pancakes, the little shithead. "They tashe--"

"Oh my god, Greyjoy," Robb says, reaching over to flick his nose. "Don't you spray pancake at me, asshole. Eat like a _civilized person_ , you utter barbarian."

"I can eat however I like," Theon loftily replies, after he swallows.

"Then I suppose you won't mind if I do this, then," Robb says, reaching over with his fork to take one of Theon's hash browns.

"Hey!" Theon protests, trying to fight him off with his bread knife, and that's how Robb manages to get into a small-scale dinner utensil fight with his boyfriend over _hash browns_.

\--

"You're ridiculous," says Jon, after Robb tells him this over the phone. "Did you know that? Absolutely _ridiculous_."

"Says the man who didn't know he was on a date until his date had to point it out to him," Robb says, and earns a scoff. He imagines Jon scowling on the other end of the line, and goes on, "Besides, you wanted me to call you up. Besides that, the trip's been pretty uneventful so far."

"Doubt you could say the same about the reunion," Jon says.

"I don't know, I have a good feeling about it," says Robb.

\--

"I take it back," he doesn't say, once they've finally gotten to the reunion. Mostly because Jon's not there, and Theon would make sad faces at Robb were he to say it out loud in his hearing range.

But he's definitely _thinking_ it.

"Oh, it's _you_ ," one of Theon's older brothers--Rodrik Greyjoy, apparently--says, a half-empty bottle already in hand, venom lacing his every word. "The fuck are you doing here, _Stark_?"

Robb gives a tight smile. "What I'm doing here is none of your business, Rodrik," he says, curtly. He wants a drink, he wants a strong drink, he wants to storm back into his car and slam the car door and not have to deal with Theon's shitty family, but. That would be a shit thing to do to Theon, who asked him here, who _needs_ him here.

"Think it's _my_ business," Rodrik says, stepping closer, close enough that Robb can smell the alcohol on his breath, "since it's _my_ family. What, you here to keep your lap dog on your leash?"

Robb's hand curls into a fist. "He's not my lap dog, asshole," he says, his voice a growl. "He's my friend, and he's your _brother_."

"Rodrik Greyjoy," says a voice behind them, and Robb very nearly freezes in his place, because he _knows_ that voice, "back the fuck off. Stark's a guest, and sure as hell I'm not going to hesitate in throwing your drunk ass out of here if you start anything."

Rodrik whirls around, hand curling into a fist, but Asha fixes him with a cold, cold look--the sort of look Robb's seen her turn on people on the witness stand, the look that reduces them to a quivering mess, the look she's been perfecting since Robb was five and Theon was six--and Rodrik clenches his jaw and spits, " _Fine_ ," and walks away.

Robb gulps, as Asha steps in closer to him. "Ma'am," he says, as politely as possible, and hopes to god he doesn't look as scared as he feels. He's seen Asha Greyjoy in court before, seen her dismantle the defense's arguments and reduce witnesses on the stand to tears, and none of that even mentions the completely rational childhood fear he'd harbored of her. She is absolutely _terrifying_ , and she's standing right in front of him and probably judging his life choices.

"Robb Stark," Asha says. "Just who I wanted to see."

Well, there's a shock. "You wanted to see me?" he asks.

"Yeah," says Asha, taking his arm, her tone brooking no arguments. "Come with me."

Robb lets out a breath, then glances back at Theon, who's somehow gotten pulled into an animated discussion with Rodrik Harlaw about--well, he can't really tell from here, but seeing as Theon doesn't look like he'd rather be anywhere but there, Robb figures he's safe for the time being. Hopefully.

If not, Robb's let him have Grey Wind, who's snacking happily on as much meat as he can stand, and for as much as Theon complains about the dog, they both know that if anyone even tries to start a fight with Theon--all too likely, given how badly the Greyjoys tend to get along--Grey Wind will go straight for their kneecaps.

"All right," he says, letting Asha tug him along.

\--

The Greyjoys' house is one of those huge, fancy mansions perched on a cliff, overlooking the sea. Theon's told Robb all about the amazing view from the balcony, told him about how, if he steps out at the right moment, he could see humpback whales resurfacing and blowing out air through little holes in their backs, wave at huge ships passing merrily along, watch the sun set and the sky turn a hundred different colors.

Theon's also mentioned the occasional tendency for birds to shit right on that same balcony, though, so Robb's not really looking forward to it. Or the talk Asha seems to want to have with him, the same one he's given plenty of people in the past.

"Look," he says, once they're well away from most people inside, "I know how this works. You threaten me with bodily harm if I ever hurt Theon--I'm a big brother too, I've said the same thing to far too many people before."

"Who says I'm going to give you the shovel talk?" Asha asks, a corner of her mouth turning upward in a smirk as she leans against the railing. Robb knows that smirk. It's the same one Theon sometimes wears when he knows he's got someone in the palm of his hand. "I just wanted to talk. You know, for a while, I was skeptical there."

"You and everyone else we know," says Robb.

"No, like--when you and Theon first met," Asha clarifies, and Robb raises a brow. "Don't know if you remember it, but I remember walking in to see this little Stark boy talking to my little brother, and asking him if he could really talk to fishes like everyone says the ironborn could."

"I was five, I didn't know!" Robb defensively huffs.

"Yeah, I've heard worse from five-year-olds," says Asha. "You didn't make the best first impression, no--but something tells me it doesn't matter anymore." She nods to Theon, who's still inside, talking with his mother. "You made him happy, you know. When he was a kid, he talked about you to me, Mom, and Uncle Rodrik all the time."

Which is flattering, really, but at the same time sad. Where Robb had his whole family, Theon had, at most, three people, one of which is not always all there, and Robb--well, he got lucky, he thinks. Somehow, he and Theon got incredibly lucky, finding each other at the time they did.

"I'm glad, I guess," he says, at last. "I don't--he never said much about you guys, you know, at least nothing good. I didn't even think he'd drag me to this family reunion."

"He wanted to show you off, I'd bet," Asha says, snorting out a laugh. "That shit." She raises her hands when Robb bristles, and says, "Terrible choice of words, sorry, but he can be a shit sometimes. You know that, I believe."

Robb relaxes, just a fraction. "Yeah," he says. Getting shown off is--well, when he thinks about it, it's not so bad. A little vindictive part him is viciously glad for it, in fact, because it's something like Theon flipping off his entire family by bringing his boyfriend along. Maybe that's why he asked. "Yeah, sometimes."

Asha looks him over, and says, "You know, I had a pretty terrible impression of you, when you were a kid. Lasted till you were all grown up."

"What happened to break it?" Robb asks, because he's curious, so sue him.

"You remember when he got into that accident?" Asha asks, and well-- _accident_ is one way to describe it, he supposes. "And they had to do a lot of surgery, and for the longest time nobody was sure he'd make it?"

"Yeah," says Robb, thinking of sleepless nights spent in the waiting room, of white walls and frantic prayers, _please stay steady, please stay with me, please wake up, please_. He flicks his gaze away from Asha, feels a band tighten around his chest. "Yeah, I remember."

"Then you remember that I was only able to visit three days afterwards," says Asha. "I had a court case, yes, but--well, that's not an excuse."

"At least you _visited_ ," Robb mutters, glaring at the people inside.

"But _you_ stayed," says Asha. "And my brother deserves somebody who'll stay." She pats Robb on the back, and says, "You're not bad, for a Stark."

"I suppose that's the best compliment I'll hope to get from this reunion," Robb dryly says, and Asha snorts out a laugh.

"Yeah, we're not the best family out there," she says. "I had to call the cops once. And that was particularly _civil_ , there's no telling what antics my uncles will pull this time." She pats him on the back, then walks away, heels clicking on stone before she stops and looks back. "And Stark?"

"Yes?"

"You know what'll happen if you break his heart, right? I don't have to spell it out?"

Robb smiles, and nods. "I'd welcome the ass-kicking," he says, and means it.

Asha grins back, then walks back into the reunion.

\--

It takes about an hour or so, give or take, for the reunion to go straight to hell. Robb's betting it's a new record for them, a suspicion Theon confirms after he gives his statement to the resigned-looking police officers.

"I'm surprised Uncle Euron and Uncle Victarion lasted an _hour_ in the same room before trying to murder each other," is actually the first thing he says when he gets into the car. "Must be getting soft in their old age." He glances sideways at Robb, says, "I'm sorry you had to see all that."

"Don't be," says Robb. "It wasn't all bad."

"What a change in tune, huh?" Theon jokes, bumping his shoulder. In the backseat, Grey Wind has somehow managed to get the window down and is now sticking his head out, panting happily. "Did Asha give you the shovel talk? I saw you two talking."

"She did," Robb says, casually.

"You're not worried?"

"I told her I'd welcome the ass-kicking if I ever broke your heart," he says. "Not that it's going to happen any time soon."

"Oh, great, so you _do_ secretly have the hots for my sister," Theon huffs, mock-angry. "What, just using me for my body?"

"Don't be stupid, Theon, of course not," Robb says, pretending to be affronted. "I'm using you for your body _and_ your pancakes."

"I knew it," Theon says, smirking. "Nobody can resist my pancakes."

Robb huffs out a laugh, then starts the car. He'd thought Theon's family reunion would be hell to get through, but up until Euron and Victarion tried to stab each other with forks and Aeron climbed up onto the table to accuse Theon of straying from the path of the righteous ("seriously?" Robb had asked when he'd grabbed on to Theon and dragged him far enough away from the shitshow that they could conceivably claim to have absolutely nothing to do with it, "it's 2015, gay marriage has been legal for years, _why is this still happening_ "), it wasn't completely terrible. Asha's good company, but Theon--Theon's even better.

 _You stayed,_ Asha had said. _My brother deserves somebody who'll stay._

Robb glances at Theon, his head leaning on the glass window. "Hey, Theon?" he says.

"Hm?"

"You know, if you were to ask me to another reunion, I think I might not mind."

Theon smiles, then, the soft and sweet kind that he rarely ever uses. He's not the soft and sweet kind, has never been, but there's something oddly--lovely, when he smiles like this. "Glad to hear that," he murmurs. "And I suppose I won't be complaining about Snow at yours, huh?"

"Someday you two are going to get along," says Robb, ever hopeful.

"You _wish_ ," Theon huffs, and they lapse into silence as Robb pulls away from the sidewalk.

They're three hundred feet away from the police station when Robb says, "Theon?"

"Yeah?"

"Now and always, right?"

Theon's eyes flick to his, a brow quirking upwards in surprise, before he says, "Now and always, Robb, you know that."

"Yeah," says Robb, smiling. He's got his dog in the backseat, his best friend and boyfriend beside him, and if he got through the Greyjoys' reunion and talked to Asha Greyjoy without freaking out, then he's set for life. "I know."

\--

fin.


End file.
